Your behaviours develop from habits which you take on and internalize. These habits are formed from observation, imitation and repetition, that is, through modeling what you thought would benefit you at the time.
They begin as offhanded remarks, ideas and images perceived from your individual model of the world, that is your subjective perceived reality.
First you make your habits, and then your habits make you. They are easy to get into, but difficult to get out of.
Many of your nonverbal communication behaviours are learned as habits.
In Four Negotiation Styles various nonverbal communication characteristics were listed in four generic negotiation personality styles.
This posting goes into more detail of nonverbal communication cues.
Awareness of your counterpart
You have an internal mechanism which alerts you to when conditions have changed and may lead you to feeling uncomfortable.
Sometimes you are aware of what has happened, other times you just feel the change but cannot put your finger on what caused it.
Is your counterpart talking with his arms and legs crossed in a tense manner?
Is his eye contact inquiring and attentive, or is it more like a glare?
Does he have a habit of covering his mouth when he talks to you or when asking a question?
His manner has changed, you notice this, but do not give it meaning.
Awareness of yourself
How are you sitting?
What body language message are you exemplifying?
You can use your nonverbal communication to manage yourself and as well as others.
By putting your notepad on the table, sliding forward in your seat, looking interested and uncrossing your legs, you can change your position to a much more receptive one.
People tend to match and mirror nonverbal cues of others; this is one of the strategies of rapport building.
How is your counterpart sitting? Match this and feel the atmosphere change for the better.
Once you begin to manage your nonverbal behaviour and that of your counterpart, you will reap the benefits in what is actually verbalized - there will be greater empathy in both your verbal communications.
The better you appreciate nonverbal communication cues, the more you will be able to use it to your advantage.
Certain nonverbal gestures convey feelings of dominance and power, while others move more to the submissive and nervous end of the continuum.
Dominance and power cues
When a person places their feet on a desk, leans back in his chair with hands behind his head or neck and makes piercing eye contact, it is quite justifiable to note that behaviour and be cautious.
If someone remains seated and lets you remain standing, this could also be a sign of a desire to show power.
Giving a palm-down handshake, rapping the fingers on the desk, or steepling the fingers on the desk are further cues for awareness.
Submission and nervousness
Someone fidgeting, excessively changing position and constantly touching their hair, parts of their face, etc and can show nervousness or irritation.
Some people use a briefcase to provide a shield between themselves and others.
It is important not to make a judgment of the behaviour of a person, just simply to note it, again if the behaviour changes simply note the change but do not place meaning on it.
People can have different ways of sitting, standing, placing their arms, etc because it is comfortable for them, without there being any insidious motive behind that posture.
If you acknowledge one of the NLP Presuppositions that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at that particular time, then you approach any interaction with a positive intent.
Respect for the other person will always mean a better process and thus a better outcome
What you focus on will eventuate, consequently, if you pre-frame that any behaviour whether verbal or nonverbal in a negotiation process will be positive, this will send out empowering energies, and the end result will be a win-win for all parties.
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Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in disciplines within Personal Development and People Skills for Business, such as Time Management, Negotiation Skills, Developing High-Performance Teams, Assertion Skills, Building International Rapport, Conflict Management and Resolution, Presentation and Platform Skills, and in Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Businesses, Sporting groups and Educational Institutions in Australia.
Her professional experience covers over 30 years of study, research, one-on-one coaching, group coaching, presentations and workshops. Her clientele includes children as well as adults. She has authored the eBook: "Successful Self-Hypnosis" and Reports.
Visit her websites:
[http://www.connect4results.com]
http://neuro-linguistic-pro-site.com
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